Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

February 21, 2011

For the Love of Food

Be not ashamed.
So I admit it....I enjoy food. We have a love/hate relationship. I love to eat.... hate that it ends up as padding in all the wrong areas. Being a wholesale food broker has its definite advantages: I get to eat, talk about and prep food. Ironically- I am "kitchen challenged" although that hasn't seemed to hamper. Just don't ask me to 'cook' from scratch and nothing bad will happen to anyone's stomach. But heat-n-serve I can handle!

My favorite: Thai (the good kind) and best soup- Tom Kar Gai, a spicy coconut soup with chicken, galangal, mushrooms, green onions and kaffir leaf. Sounds delicious, right? It IS!
 Tom Gar Kai....mmmm....mmmmm.....
 Savoring....
Ryan tolerating my craving for coconut soup. He's such an awesome hubby to take me exactly where the good stuff is... 

February 14, 2011

Happy Birthday!

We visited Zoey on her birth date and placed balloons at her site- it was bittersweet and a little bit hard. We allowed Ayla to do the honors...she is so sweet! Ayla was having an "off" afternoon during our visit with Zoey...she was serious and fussy. It was a bit windy and chilly but we wondered....

We often find ourselves asking one another; "Does Ayla remember Zoey? As she grows, will she feel like something in her life is missing? Is it a good thing to bring Ayla to see Zoey's headstone?"
Ayla is our first and thus, 'experimental child' (poor girl) and it's probably most parent's concern that they are raised proper- we are normal....we hope! 

 Ayla testing out the dry, hard grass. Not such a fan.
 Balloons and purple flowers for Zoey-Munkin!
 Family photo-op

It wouldn't be truthful to say after two years we aren't emotional; we still are. Some days prove more difficult than others and the melancholy feeling is present whenever we think about Zoey. We both grieve differently and in our own private manner. It's not easy to explain.

We often say to each other, "What is Zoey doing right now? Is she watching Ayla? Does she see the neat things Ayla is doing?" The obvious answer is yes- yes Zoey is there...always. Our faith and belief do not allow to think otherwise and for that, we are blessed.

We know Zoey is an angel watching over our family, we have felt her presence on several occasions throughout the last two years. How neat is that?

We forget how teensy, tiny Ayla and Zoey were when they were born- under 2 pounds. So a visual:  
This plaster hand and foot are Zoey's on the date she passed, March 8th 2009, 24 days after her birth. I have small hands and her hand and foot fit comfortably inside my palm. Amazing, right? 
Now imagine this: Ayla was smaller than Zoey.... 
Almost incomprehensible that mirco-preemie-babies born this tiny can eventually grow big and strong.....but they do! Ayla is proof. 


On a funner note: Ayla and I received a "sneak peak" into her upcoming birthday present from Ryan- a beautiful rocking horse!
 Of course, I needed to test the durability and sturdiness of the design so took it for a spin....
Ayla thought I was mite crazy and wanted to climb aboard too!

Ryan began building this horse in January and brought it home to "pass inspection" on Ayla's part. 
Yep- she likes it!

February 4, 2011

That I would be good....

I really like this song;



At times the "Winter Blues" attempt to sneak into my attitude with their cousins, the "Blehs" but music has a way of chasing them off the premises. I appreciate that, and am very grateful for ears that hear and a soul which enjoys uplifting music. Music is a gift from God.  

Ayla's birthday is nearing and I've found myself in the "what if" land....not a bad place to be but certainly not the most productive use of mind time.


 It's been almost 2 years since Ayla and Zoey's unexpected early arrival and yet....it felt like only yesterday too. The picture below was taken right after delivering (such a lovely picture...yeah, I know.....). I am first meeting and at the same time, saying good-bye to Zoey as they transported her to the Boise Children's Hospital downtown. It was scary, a bit overwhelming and I wanted to go with them but was unable until being released.

However, I had heard little Zoey cry shortly after her quick descent into this world and truly, that sound is etched into my brain. Thank God for ears that hear as that was the last time she was physically able to make sound. I often think about that soft, initial cry and play it over in my mind- so sweet and soft and it reminds me; to be good.   

"That I Would Be Good"
(lyrics to the song above)

that I would be good even if I did nothing
that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down

that I would be good if I got and stayed sick

that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds

that I would be fine even if I went bankrupt

that I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
that I would be great if I was no longer queen

that I would be grand if I was not all knowing

that I would be loved even when I numb myself

that I would be good even when I am overwhelmed


that I would be loved even when I was fuming
that I would be good even if I was clingy
that I would be good even if I lost sanity
that I would be good
whether with or without you