This is an introspective post so pardon the rambling thoughts....Sunday was a day for thinking and reflection. I attended the last portion of church and the lesson was on 'Adversity' and how adversity allows us to become stronger and draw closer to our Heavenly Father. I enjoy listening to the comments made by those women attending the class as most are very enlightening and others, well, others just want to share their own sob stories about how hard their life is. I rarely comment, mostly because I don't have anything 'enlightening' to say. However, yesterday I almost spoke up (but didn't want to come across as snobby or rude) in response to one woman's 'whiny' answer to a question.
Instead, I sat there and began to think about how blessed my life is, despite the latest trials and despite losing Zoey. There are far, far too many blessing which outweigh the 'adversities' in my life! I felt sorrow for those who focus on the negative and constantly whine about insignificant little stuff that doesn't even matter in the big picture. I'm not saying that it isn't okay to whine and vent- we all need to do that- but it isn't okay to whine and vent constantly (especially in a church group setting). You know the type of people....and you've learned to never ask "how are you"....
So Sunday was good, a great reminder of keeping life into perspective and remembering our long-term goals. I am thankful- even for the "garbage" that happens. Adversity brings out the real character inside and tests the inner core of who you are. A source of inspiration for me is Ayla; she cannot give up or take a break or whine about her circumstances- she thrives and grows despite them. She is so strong!
I think about Zoey and how I need to live my life correctly so that I might be worthy to raise her (I'm not worried about Ryan living righteously, we could all take lessons from his example!). I think about Zoey all the time, wonder what she's doing, what she looks like, what her personality style is and if she would be pleased with my choices. It's a difficult emotion to explain to someone who has never lost a child; it's sorrow and hope combined with nostalgia (or something like that). We are blessed to have an angel-baby watching over our family, it brings comfort and smiles. Everyday on my way to and from work I drive past Zoey's grave site and always greet her with, "hello Zoey's body" and "goodbye Zoey's body". Silly, but it brings a smile and I know Zoey can hear.
3 comments:
It's always interesting to listen to others' responses when asked about adversity in their lives. Because each of us have our own problems that are so unique to us. As I look on my own past, I always think of a few very defining moments that broke me, but ultimately made me who I am today. If you could trade trials with another, would you? I've thought about it, and even though I've gone through awful things, the truth is I wouldn't trade them. I'm sure the same is true for you, Heidi. You've endured major life-changing experiences, and you've grown and come so far. I think about Zoey quite often too. And I think about what a beautiful daughter Ayla is for you. And I think about how strong you and Ryan are, and what incredible parents you are, and I'm grateful for my association with you!
Beautiful post, Heidi. Thank-you.
You are amazing Heidi! I love you.
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