That I would be good....

I really like this song;



At times the "Winter Blues" attempt to sneak into my attitude with their cousins, the "Blehs" but music has a way of chasing them off the premises. I appreciate that, and am very grateful for ears that hear and a soul which enjoys uplifting music. Music is a gift from God.  

Ayla's birthday is nearing and I've found myself in the "what if" land....not a bad place to be but certainly not the most productive use of mind time.

 It's been almost 2 years since Ayla and Zoey's unexpected early arrival and yet....it felt like only yesterday too. The picture below was taken right after delivering (such a lovely picture...yeah, I know.....). I am first meeting and at the same time, saying good-bye to Zoey as they transported her to the Boise Children's Hospital downtown. It was scary, a bit overwhelming and I wanted to go with them but was unable until being released.

However, I had heard little Zoey cry shortly after her quick descent into this world and truly, that sound is etched into my brain. Thank God for ears that hear as that was the last time she was physically able to make sound. I often think about that soft, initial cry and play it over in my mind- so sweet and soft and it reminds me; to be good.   

"That I Would Be Good"

(lyrics to the song above)

that I would be good even if I did nothing

that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down

that I would be good if I got and stayed sick

that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds

that I would be fine even if I went bankrupt

that I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth

that I would be great if I was no longer queen

that I would be grand if I was not all knowing

that I would be loved even when I numb myself

that I would be good even when I am overwhelmed

that I would be loved even when I was fuming

that I would be good even if I was clingy

that I would be good even if I lost sanity

that I would be good

whether with or without you 

If I were....

...if I were a rich man...la dee dum, dee dum, dee da, de daa....you know that song, right? Fiddler on the Roof, a classic!
Well, if I were independently wealthy I would love to adopt Special Needs Children- especially Anton.

Isn't he precious??

Those children occupy a soft and special place in my heart- they always have. When I grow up; I hope to one day be able to work less and give more. More time and talents to these precious babies. More time to volunteer and make a difference. More time to bring smiles and a little bit of sunshine. 

Strange how a baby who lives across the world can have such an effect on us; Ryan and I find ourselves thinking about this little boy, a lot. Our hearts hurt for him and those children abandoned by their parents only because they were born less than perfect. 
It's wrenching to imagine some have never known love.
If I were a rich man......

Beautiful Gift

Ryan surprised me this Christmas with a very thoughtful and beautiful gift....a family portrait.

Not a "traditional" family portrait but the only picture we have as a family on the day Zoey passed away. 

It's special and I am grateful for a thoughtful, humble husband who remembers these small details and incorporates them into our lives.

It is placed in our dining room- a constant reminder of God's miracles and how blessed we are to have little Ayla in our lives. Ayla will be two years-old in February which is just amazing!

Two years has almost arrived and we are so grateful and happy that Ayla has been healthy since coming home from the NICU. A few minor colds and set-backs but she continues to progress and develop which is what we pray for....the only times she has been back to the hospital was for procedures and surgeries- no sickness.

How awesome is that? Especially when we were told that due to Ayla's micro-preemie status, lung bleeds and fragile health that she would probably end up back in the hospital many times before she turned a year old. And now she is almost two! If we can keep her healthy for another year it will only improve her chances for stronger health as she gets older; especially her lung health. So she remains under "quarantine" for another winter/flu season- a teensy price to pay for the opportunity for long-term stronger health. It's not a hardship for us; mostly because we didn't have much of a "social" life before babies! Plus, with all her cuteness and feisty attitude, she is great entertainment! 

Many, many 'thank you' to those who have prayed and continue to pray for Ayla- it works, and we are humbled by your faith.