Snow!

We have snow....just a tiny bit but regardless, it's still SNOW!!! Totally loving it and the best part is that it's sticking! Snow doesn't usually last long in the Boise Valley (except in the mountains) but it's been cold enough recently that it has. Feels more like "Christmas" with a bit of white, beautiful snow on ground....

Ryan is awesome; he was up early scraping driveways and taking care of our neighbors. I truly have never met another person who loves to serve and is as thoughtful as Ryan- I am blessed! How did I get so lucky?? He takes tender care of Ayla, can fix anything, loves to serve, is always happy, cooks breakfast (and lunch & dinner-ha!) and makes the best pies and cookies......AND puts up with me through it all! I am grateful to be married to him and love him more and more with each year!

Isn't he handsome?

Snow at my house- crank up the Christmas music!

Evening of Memories

Thursday night Ryan and I attended a special program hosted every year by St. Luke's called an 'Evening of Memories'.
It's a service of remembrance for the loved ones we have lost in our lives. It was touching and emotional and (silly me!) I forgot the tissues in haste to get out the door! There were beautiful musical selections, moments of silence and encouraging words spoken by those who have lost close family members both recent and in years past.

During the program there was a part titled the "Blessing of the Candles" in which various St. Luke staff members lit a candle and spoke of the significance of each. There were 4 candles lighted, each one representing something different;

1) Grief- the pain of losing is intense and reminds us of the depth of our love

2) Courage- to confront our sorrows, to change our lives

3) Light- to remember all the memories given

4) Light- to offer our love and thanks for the gift of life

One of the talks focused on the "Grievers Bill of Rights for the Holidays" and that we have the right to feel different and sometimes, be a little 'bah humbug' if we want.....

A point that struck personally was that grief has no timeline; just because it was months or years ago that a loved one passed, doesn't necessarily make it any less painful or that we can't feel emotional at anytime.

It gave Ryan and I pause to consider that neither of us have really had the time to properly grieve for Zoey. Although she was here for a short time, we loved her instantly and deeply. Our time has been focused on Ayla and seeing her through the NICU, helping her at home and focusing on her growth and development- she is a busy girl and keeps us on the go! That being said; when will we have the time to grieve? Perhaps we already are in our own ways.....perhaps like candle #2, we are yet lacking the courage to properly face our sorrows. And yet....

We are incredibly blessed and know that the hand of God has been guiding our lives and answering prayers; so why should there be sorrow? We know that Zoey is perfect, beautiful and with God doing His work- there is no sorrow in that knowledge. There is light and happiness and peace that she is a perfect angel saved from the hassle and challenge of this earthly life.

How comforting and exciting to know that we may be with her again! How great to know that she is with us in spirit, encouraging Ayla and playing beautiful angel music for us to hear.

I LOVE Christmas

I absolutely love Christmas and everything about it...... The lights, the excitement, the giddiness, the giving, the food, the candy, the Christmas Spirit but most importantly, I LOVE the specific focus on the birth of Christ.

I am a spiritually sensitive person and wear emotions on my sleeve when it comes to the spiritual side of life; more so since the passing of Zoey and the many miracles of Ayla. It's far easier now to become 'leaky eyed' than it was prior! There are even certain commercials that can bring a tear to my eye (ridiculous, I know!).

However, I was reminded that the true Christmas Spirit is never found in a surfeit of things. It is less obvious in arrival and more lasting in impact. We have been humbled time and again with acts of service and words of kindness from family, friends, neighbors and even strangers. It wasn't Christmas when these acts of service were given and kind words spoken- yet it was still done with the Spirit of Christmas.

I found this poem by a unknown author and it touched a chord:

I am the Christmas Spirit. I enter the home of poverty, causing pale-faced children to open their eyes wide in pleased wonder.

I cause the miser’s clutched hand to relax and thus paint a bright spot on his soul. I cause the aged to renew their youth and to laugh in the glad old way.

I keep romance alive in the heart of childhood and brighten sleep with dreams woven of magic. I cause eager feet to climb dark stairways with filled baskets, leaving behind them hearts amazed at the goodness of the world.

I cause the prodigal to pause a moment on his wild, wasteful way, and send to anxious love some little token that releases glad tears—tears which wash away the hard lines of sorrow.

I enter dark prison cells, reminding scarred manhood of what might have been, and pointing forward to good days yet to come.

I come softly into the still, white home of pain; and lips that are too weak to speak just tremble in silent, eloquent gratitude.

In a thousand ways I cause the weary world to look up into the face of God, and for a little moment forget the things that are small and wretched.

I am the Christmas Spirit.

This is the spirit each true Christian seeks. This is the spirit I pray that I may find. This is the Christ spirit. No quest is so universal, no undertaking so richly rewarding, no effort so ennobling, no purpose so divine. The Christmas season seems to prompt anew that yearning within me, that seeking to emulate the Savior of the world. I want to have the Christmas spirit, not for one fleeting day each year, but as a companion always. I want to learn to forget myself and turn my thoughts to the greater benefit of others......

So I figure if I 'want' things, these are the things that should be of focus. This post may be a bit deep but I've been craving a small taste of the true 'Spirit of Christmas' this season. There have been numerous miracles in our lives this year and we are feeling humbled and blessed.