Touching Song

A friend posted this song on her blog and it touched deeply. Their family experienced the loss of a son in July...... the song is entitled, "Smallest, Wingless" about loving and losing. It's beautiful and a tribute to those volunteer photographers that donate their time and talents to parents of angel-babies. "We say hello and goodbye at the same time"....

Enjoy! Oh, and you might want a tissue handy.....

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&VideoID=8454806

Sparkly Pink

My favorite nail polish- "Elegance" by OPI. It's Zoey's color; the one I wore the day of her passing because I wanted something shiny and happy...and it is! Added a purple butterfly decal in her honor....we've always associated purple butterflies with Zoey-Munkin...it suits her. Zoey is Purple and Ayla is Pink- although purple is sassy and Ayla is definitely that!

It may seem silly but when I wear Zoey's polish I feel closer to her and it brings a smile. Ryan knows that when I break out "Zoey's Polish" (which is often) that it's been a 'Remembrance Day', not necessarily a sad day....just a day for thinking of Zoey. October 8th will mark seven months; wow! It feels like a long time ago, yet just yesterday.

Unfortunately, I am tough on my nails so the color lasts just a few short days....



In other news: our garage has become Ryan's "shop". It's a bit tight but it'll do! Ryan has been busy creating infant caskets (totally FREAKED our neighbors out) in his spare time to present to the local funeral home directors. They are beautiful! Most people have a difficult time understanding WHY we would build and sell infant caskets until we tell them our story....it's not pleasant to think about but there is a need for such. So while Ryan has been busy building I've been busy creating a website and brochures, it's a work-in-progress;

http://www.laymedowncustomcaskets.com/



Part of our 'niche' is to offer custom-made infant caskets and eventually (as business expands), to include children and adult custom caskets. There is also a need for Pet Caskets which is an area we are exploring as well. We call this "Zoey's Inspiration"......

2008 vs 2009

September 2008- playing in the garage....

Ryan and I were discussing how within one short year, our life dramatically changed; and for the better. Not just because of having Ayla & Zoey but because of them and the life-altering experiences they brought. It's been lessons in excitement, fear, love, grief, bravery, humility and endurance. We feel sort of emotionally "old"........ if there is even such a thing....

We wouldn't change a thing- nope, not one. Would we go back? No....we see the hand of God guiding our lives and although we have never questioned God, we DO have some questions for Him! We've grown closer as a family (both sides) and received blessings beyond measure. Our lives have been touched in most unexpected ways by strangers, friends, neighbors and family.

To this day we continue to receive emails from strangers who have read or heard about us and want to express their love and send prayers- STRANGERS- people who don't know us but care anyway. Talk about humbling...and restoring your faith in humanity.

September 2009- holding the center of our world, the Amazing Ayla!

This time last year we were enjoying a family reunion in Salmon without a clue that we were pregnant (let alone with twins!) and working on small home renovations. Funny thing was, looking back there was a niggling in our minds of a feeling, almost a premonition. Of what- didn't know! But we both felt change was coming and it did!

September 2008- Dirty faces from four-wheeling!

It's been an amazing ride, especially the past 7 months. We've been taught about what really is important and what's not. If you are interested in a great book on service, read 'The Servant' by James Hunter. We read that book about 2 years ago and re-read it recently and it brought an entire new meaning. Life goes faster than we think!

Melancholy.....

The other night had a dream about my sweet Zoey-girl which has placed me in a happy/melancholy mood the past few days....it was precious and Zoey was telling me she's doing a most important work! I'm typically not an "emotional" person on the surface, but sheesh- drop a frowny face and I'll tear-up! I can blame it on allergies....ha! Not to mention have been arguing with the flu the past few days-ugh...ugh...

Don't misinterpret: I'm not depressed sad, more like.....hard words to locate....a bittersweet feeling....a reflective state. There is too much to be grateful for to be sad and I know Zoey is watching over her sister, cheering her on.

Watching our Ayla-tinker-bean growing is a joy, truly. I like to picture what two of "hers" would be like and it brings a smile.....two different personalities, two different ways of doing things-I'm pretty sure Ayla would have been the instigator in most the mischief!

It's wild to look back at pictures and recall just how teensy Ayla & Zoey were- it seems almost impossible! They are proof miracles happen and that there is a loving Heavenly Father who watches out for us.

7 Months Ago

Today 7 months ago Ayla & Zoey arrived!

It's difficult to believe that Ayla is already seven months old...really? It's been an eventful seven months but so sweet!

Ayla is such a miracle girl and fun to have home- she's survived 2.5 months home with us and we've survived her, too! Every month on the 12th we always say a special prayer of gratitude for our blessings and every month on the 8th we remember Zoey.

Visit with Zoey

Today we spent some family time with Ayla and Zoey- it was great to take Ayla to visit her sister and feel Zoey's sweet spirit. We always leave feel uplifted and comforted whenever we visit.

We were discussing how cute it will be when Ayla is big enough to crawl roound Zoey's headstone and slobber on her picture :-).

Zoey's Marker

Today was special- Zoey's marker is finally complete! The headstone is beautiful and the picture of sweet Zoey is perfect- we are very happy! Zoey is buried inside BabyLand at the Meridian Cemetery; it's lovely and close to home. Perhaps on Sunday we will go for a family drive and take Ayla to visit her little sister......

We love and miss you Zoey Munkin!

25 Things I've Learned

Sharing a few thoughts......

1. You don't mind going to bed at 9 p.m. on a Friday night
   
2. Silence? What's that?


3. You respect your body ... finally


4. You realize that the 15 pounds you can't seem to get rid of are totally worth having
   
5. You discover an inner strength you never thought you had


6. You no longer rely on a clock — your baby now sets your schedule


7. You give parents with a screaming child an 'I-know-the-feeling' look instead of a 'Can't-they-shut-him-up?' one


8. You take the time for one more hug and kiss even if it means you'll be late


9. You learn that taking a shower (especially a long one!) is a luxury


10. You realize that you can love a complete stranger


11. You find yourself wanting to make this world a better place- you have more empathy


12. If you didn’t believe in love at first sight before, you do now!


13. You have to quit watching the news because you see every story from a mother's perspective and it breaks your heart


14. You just plain love life more - everything comes together and becomes better because of one tiny person and your love for them


15. The support you get from other people surprises you, because the people giving it are not always the ones you'd expect


16. No matter what you've accomplished in life, you look at your child and think, "I've created that!"


17. You want to take better care of yourself for your child


18. You find that your baby's pain feels much worse than your own


19. You lose touch with the people in your life whom you should have banished years ago


20. Your heart breaks much more easily and emotions are closer to the surface


21. You think of someone else 234,836,178,976 times a day


22. Every day is a surprise


23. Bodily functions are no longer repulsive. In fact, they please you (Hooray for poop!)


24. You look at your baby in the mirror instead of yourself


25. You become a morning person (sorta)